If you initiate everything in the friendship than it's not a real friendship, amirite?

One sided relationships exist, but that doesn't mean that a relationship can't be solid just because one side of that relationship is in charge of initiative. Becasue of the numerous things askew in my brain, I'd never leave my house or see my friends if they didn't basically drag me kicking and screaming. I know it, and they know it. Once they do get me involved, I love to cook and entertain and do anything I can for them, because I love them. They don't mind being in charge of the initiative, because they love me and they know that is what I need.

by felicity02 4 weeks ago

So they not only have to invite you to events, they have to drag you to them? I'm not sure what's "askew in your brain", but you ever heard the saying, "it's not your fault, but it's your responsibility?"

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

Jfc

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

Some people can be great friends but terrible about initiating or reciprocating

by Kleindarius 4 weeks ago

If they don't initiate OR reciprocate then what the hell does this "friend" do?

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

I'm in a one sided friendship, we work together and live in different parts of the country, but we have each others cell phone numbers and have FaceTimed before. Usually it's just texting back and forth but I usually have to initiate conversation. It's one sided for sure, but I don't know if they think, ‘oh I'll text them today.' Sometimes it can feel awkward as I always initiate, but they always answer. I just think it's the way they are vs my personality.

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

I usually initiate with my friends. It's like a game of Tennis almost for us, I serve and they hit it back to my side and it goes on. Sometimes I make a hit that requires some actual effort to hit back and vice versa. I get that you have a problem with serving all the time which is totally valid

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

Ever considered that they may reciprocate in other areas? Like they may be terrible at making plans and checking in on you but once involved in a plan they're all in. I think you may consider a more holistic approach that considers the entire friendship rather than just one aspect. We all have different strengths and weaknesses.

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

This is a massive cope. What do you think someone thinks about you if you never initiate a conversation, invite them to anything, or ask them to do something together with you? That you never think about them, go with them at best out of obligation, and they eventually either drop you for these reasons or realize they're so lonely and desperate this is what they must accept and think that you realize it too.

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

I mean its a fact some people just dont reach out because they think if you wanted to talk to them you eoild reach out. It's just how some people are. Take it how you want. But they do exist

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

May have reasons for not reaching out too .. what that would be?

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

if theyre an introvert, theyre just naturally not going to have as much social energy and so theyre not going to reach out as much. Non introverts dont get that and assume we just dont want to hang out when actually we'd rather hang out and just chill instead of expend energy going somewhere or doing something.

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

That makes sense but after a year of initiating conversation and knowing she has no problem reaching out if she needs help. I found it better for now if she intiates conversation. If she has no problems reaching out to help, I don't see why she has problem just intimating the talks That is after telling her my feelings to her too

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

I have a friend with ADHD and depression that just works and sits at home, but is the most fun person to be around and will drop everything to come and help you with anything if asked. This person simply does not initiate with anybody for whatever reason, but when invited is always a joy.

by MaximumDay 4 weeks ago

a friend isnt just someone who jumps onboard your plans. A friend, at least a good friend, is supposed to be emotional support and putting in just as much energy. What youre describing its reciprocation, its being opportunistic. and if someone feels theyre pulling the weight of the whole friendship, they ARE considering all of it, its the other person who isnt.

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

This really should not be an unpopular opinion. I will walk away from people I'm fond of if I'm carrying the overwhelming majority of the load. Still love them, but I don't need that.

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

As someone who's almost always the initiator of plans and messages, I can guarantee you that you not saying anything is a whole lot worse as far as lowering their opinion of you

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

Well, thankfully I have great friends who understand me and reach out. I'd like to think they don't have a low opinion of me. But thanks for the insight. It's something I'm always working towards improving. It can be harder to reach out for some than it is for others.

by Gmills 4 weeks ago

then

by leliarenner 4 weeks ago

This is why at the age of 32 I have just lost all of my friends, my wife is my best friend since we met so I've got that haha.

by Daughertyfreder 4 weeks ago

Then there's two guys who don't need to see each other for 2 years and then catch up like nothing happened. I just did this with a buddy. I will say I have friends that I do talk to every day and it's reciprocated

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

Some friends have more ideas than others. Some friend are just initiators. We wait for these friends because they have all the good ideas and energy to organize things. The wedding planners of the world...

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

For sure. My friend group has one friend who has literally never initiated anything, but she's a ride-or-die who will be there for whatever is planned, and is always very enthusiastic when plans are being made.

by Ok_Excitement 4 weeks ago

I don't think Op is saying you have to make plans to show you care. Just a call/text can be enough to show you were thinking about the person.

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

My take on this is that it's irrelevant. You can reach out consistently to maintain the relationship, or, you can just not have a relationship, which, i would argue is worse. Maybe bring up that you feel like you always have to initiate if you understandably don't like it, but like, what are you gonna do, just let the relationship die because a 2 second text every couple weeks was too much for yoy?

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

I have really bad social anxiety even with people I'm close to, so initiating plans and conversations is harder for me. It's just how we are. That doesn't mean I don't care about them

by Good_Discipline9283 4 weeks ago

How is that unpolpular opinion

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

Disagree. I will never invite you anywhere but bet your ass I will defend and protect you to the death of me.

by Proof-Pea 4 weeks ago

Sorry but... Then then then thenthenthenthen

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

You just need to talk to your friend True friends can go years without talking and catch up where they left off. One person there just has different needs really especially if you get on well. I see this opinion very often

by felipa50 4 weeks ago

I consider myself fairly popular, whenever I ask people for a drink or to hangout, throw a party etc I'm never short of takers. But god damn if I don't do the initiating I'd probably never see 95% of them ever again!

by lrutherford 4 weeks ago

Yeah, this is something I'm not okay with either. I'll calmly bring it up to them. If they apologize but nothing actually changes, or they get defensive, then I reevaluate the friendship and put my focus elsewhere.

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

Not unpopular

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

not unpopular i think, this makes sense

by Vcrooks 4 weeks ago

This is true. I have a guy who, literally for the last few years has always been the one to try to initiate getting together for lunches and texting and calling and wanting to simply hang out. Never me. I am not his friend for sure. At least I don't want to be his friend the way he wishes we could be. His lack of self-awareness is somewhat entertaining to me.

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago

You go to lunches and casually hang out and you don't think you're friends? That's just terrible what a fake person you are

by Anonymous 4 weeks ago