Not being on social media is NOT a red flag in dating, amirite?

This read like a fever dream. I agree though. I find people who either don't have social media or barely use social media to be better adjusted than most people. They also tend to have more hobbies and interests since they're using their time for other things. It sounds like you dodged some bullets though. People with absurd standards that are super nosey are red flags, themselves.

by Little-Sherbert7604 1 week ago

The guy you replied to clearly has mental health issues, please don't bully him :(

by vickierussel 1 week ago

I don't think badly of the US population in any way. I'm just expressing my sorrow for their unfortunate situation because I think there are many good people that are negatively affected by the tense atmosphere , especially on social media.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Or 4chan?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I'm not saying people don't view it as a red flag. I'm saying the people who do probably aren't worth your time.

by Little-Sherbert7604 1 week ago

Oh no. I should have separated that. I meant just the vibe and intensity of what OP was saying was a lot to process. It was unrelated to the rest of what I was saying.

by Little-Sherbert7604 1 week ago

Lol pretending to be reasonable when you're actually just insecure

by Flat_Equivalent 1 week ago

"guy with different opinion than me is insecure". Bet your come back will be to "touch grass"

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Because I know how to use social media like a normal person?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Really? Not in my experience. Usually it only comes up if someone is trying to send them a tiktok or something. We must run in very different circles. Though I guess I don't know any people who are against social media that don't use it. Everyone I know who doesn't use it is just indifferent to it. I disagree with your last point. I'm not sure why not using social media would mean you were opposed to other nebulous things. Does liking social media mean you like other bad things, like drugs or something?

by Little-Sherbert7604 1 week ago

I'm not reaching. I'm making a point. You wouldn't assume anything nefarious about somebody who uses social media. I don't see why it wouldn't go the other way. You can socialize without being on social media. Some people go out or hang out with friends or they play games online. They go hiking. They have bands. There's lots you can do with other people that don't involve social media. Plus some people are introverts. They don't need a lot socializing. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing nefarious about not having social media. Most creeps I've known used social media, for what it's worth.

by Little-Sherbert7604 1 week ago

The man is clearly feeling threatened about his internet addiction problem rn and making it your problem. He's pretending to be polite but it's not a good faith argument. Should probably not engage

by Flat_Equivalent 1 week ago

I do all those things, I even have a concert blog, but it is always great to share some of the best moments from my adventures. Someone being an anti-social introvert is exactly why women are concerned when you dont have it. There are some creeps on FB and Insta but at least they are social creeps.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I don't know. I've never had problems with women and I'm an antisocial introvert. Social media almost never comes up in relationship and the few times it has have always been red flags. I do use social media but I did take a break from it for a year recently. I don't see the big deal. If someone was concerned with that fact, I'd be happy to leave them be. I would have dodged a bullet. There's plenty of people out there who aren't so superficial. Some of them even like antisocial introverts like me. You're allowed to have preferences though.

by Little-Sherbert7604 1 week ago

I do use social media Exactly.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Haha! Fair enough.

by Little-Sherbert7604 1 week ago

There's a difference between being an anti-social introvert and not liking to take pictures of crap you do. I know plenty of people who don't use social media yet go out to concerts and stuff with big groups all the time. They just don't have any interest in wiping their phone out and taking selfies at said events.

by That-Lengthiness-756 1 week ago

You're extrapolating this based on what exactly? I have zero interest in metal.

by That-Lengthiness-756 1 week ago

A lot of anti social media types are metalheads. But that's too bad if you don't partake, this is the best time for metal and hardcore ever.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

What about somebody who's just concerned about all of the evidence that keeps coming back that it's bad for your brain?

by Horror_Tart 1 week ago

Only excessive use, not uploading a couple cat pics or a selfie every now and then. The thinking in binaries is the problem.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Not sure that I'm thinking and binaries, all I can say is from personal experiences that my life got so much better once I got rid of Facebook.

by Horror_Tart 1 week ago

As a grown woman who shares the same sentiments about how much bs social media is/propagates, I'm with you 100 percent. People who need that much validation from practical strangers in the name of "communication" are suspicious to me.

by dane63 1 week ago

It's an uncomfortable truth but people who buy more into think trends than their own common sense aren't reliable friends or relationship partners. This leaves you with loneliness (or at least great potential for it) but keeps you from wasting your energy from people who are pretty much unavailable. If their minds are more on instagram than the people around them.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Well put.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

100% concentrated facts.

by BasicFuture1884 1 week ago

I don't think they're actually afraid that you don't have social media. I think they're afraid that you're using a fake name because you have a wife/gf or can ghost them etc.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

This. Those that have frequently ghosted get scared when they find out that they're vulnerable to it as well.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Those girls are chronically online and don't know any better. If I were to guess they are young and everything scares them into thinking everything is a red flag. If someone does not have social media, to me, that's a plus. Again, people that are not chronically online agree with you. A large majority of people have left social media and are done with it. Furthermore, seeing clearly what it does to young people and how no matter what they are told they think media is a good thing. It's designed to prey on the weak/ill minds for corporate profit gain. Nothing more -

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Ya that's bizarre that OP is running into that, must be partially an age difference thing. The people I've dated in their 30s-40s view me not having social media as a plus. I'm more wary of someone who has never taken a break from social media and has always used it as their main form of communication.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

It's been about 50/50 for me. Half are weirded out and half find it intriguing. I find it's a good filter as I'm not interested in anyone who's into social media and turning their personal information into a product to be bought and sold.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Not being on social media is NOT a red flag correct, lying about not being on social media because you are already in a relationship is the red flag, and happens often. I feel like with adult discussion this can be worked through pretty easily.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Lying about not being on social media is a red flag. Lying about social media because you are already in a relationship is an actual bad thing that red flags are meant to warn you about.

by Particular_Fall 1 week ago

That's basically what I said?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

You were basically saying "if someone is cheating on their partner, it's a red flag", but at that point you're past the red flag warning already

by Particular_Fall 1 week ago

I see what you mean, I think I just view that as the most prominent "bad thing" that exists for that red flag, or the reason most people view it as a red flag in the first place.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I'd put all of that under "the trash took itself out" in terms of dating prospects. It's a core value disconnect. You prefer to keep your private life, well, private. They prefer to put their totally superficial and carefully curated "life" out for everyone else to see. After all, most people's social media "profile" has very little to do with the actual person.

by Far-Resolution4211 1 week ago

Yeah, and you don't want to feel less like a person and more a part of a curated life.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

If anything it is a green flag.

by Beautiful-Date 1 week ago

I might be a little surprised if someone doesn't have social media, but I personally don't consider it a red flag. I'm surprised that your take is an unpopular one, but I do believe you. If it's any consolation, that is an instant indicator that you don't want to be with that person if they are that taken aback by you not having an online presence.

by Weissnatroyal 1 week ago

Tbh from personal experience I think some of them might believe you're just hiding it from them (which is stupid). I know plenty of guys who don't have any social media and no one really cares too much lol

by Gmueller 1 week ago

The way I understand it is that it's just not the norm for people, especially those who put themselves out there socially, to run into someone who doesn't have a social media profile. When social people hear that they think you either have something to hide (maybe you have another girl you're official with on there and don't want a side piece knowing), you're socially reclusive, or you just have no friends to share your life with. I've noticed guys seem to not care when I say I don't have an instagram but when I tell girls, even those who I'm just friends with, it baffles them.

by Nolan55 1 week ago

Thinking it's a red flag IS a red flag.

by Massive-Attorney 1 week ago

It IS a red flag if you're a guy who says he has no social media accounts and just suggested a first date of a day hike in the forest and using his car. And your hobby is taxidermy. /s

by Anonymous 1 week ago

It depends on the person. I don't have social media because I feel I outgrew it but I did date a guy once who didn't have it simply because it was easier to cheat.

by Affectionate-Pool 1 week ago

However it is anonymous and not tied to your name.

by dayanaboyle 1 week ago

As a girl, I don't understand the fascination with social media. I think it's a green flag if a man doesn't use any. I don't even use it. I always felt like social media is where u go to seek validation from other individuals. That's all it is, and I don't care. If a guy doesn't have social media, that's a win in my book.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

" I am afraid your mistaken" My what?

by luthersauer 1 week ago

Op you have the right way of thinking about it. I'm very close to 40 and haven't had a social media account to speak of in over 15 years. When people ask me if I'm on Facebook or what we I just tell them to call or send me a an iMessage. My wife is a bit more social but she's smart about it. I remember back in my fraternity days I had about 5000 friends on Facebook. What for? As far as women goes I met my wife in a bar and it's been great for over a decade. I learned a long time ago that looking for romance isn't the way to do this. Let life. One to you on its terms.

by No_Blackberry2206 1 week ago

Not being on social media is not a red flag. It's uncommon, but not a red flag. However, it does make it more difficult to vet a potential date for genuine red flags. So I can understand why some people will think, it's not worth the risk, or not worth wasting my time with a date if I can't suss him out first.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

They wanna deep dive and see if your married, have a girlfriend or a weirdo. Also not having social media is how some guys cheat without getting caught

by No-Membership 1 week ago

One of the greenest flags in a woman is low social media use. Those apps are the bane of happiness and sanity.

by Technical-System 1 week ago

If you think this isn't an unpopular opinion I am afraid your mistaken I am a 29 year old guy just entering the dating market again and I don't have my own social media profiles While I don't disagree with you... making this argument and then claiming to be the person the argument is about sort of invalidates your point... Instead of trying to argue that you aren't a red flag, just move on to women who don't see it as a red flag.

by Useful_Arm9038 1 week ago

Yeah seriously, half of unpopularopinion is people arguing about why it's actually wrong to disagree with them at all

by hellerearline 1 week ago

What exactly is the point of having an opinion if you can't explain why you hold that opinion and why you think people should logically share that opinion?

by That-Lengthiness-756 1 week ago

I'm sorry, this is really difficult to read without punctuation.

by hellerearline 1 week ago

It's a sentence with a single instance of the word "and", it doesn't need punctuation. Just like if you decided to put the word "but" instead of a comma then your sentence would not require it either.

by That-Lengthiness-756 1 week ago

Okay I do appreciate you using commas that time tho. You're the GOAT

by hellerearline 1 week ago

I've noticed that people nowadays like to use commas to denote a pause in what they're saying, sort of to represent how it would sound spoken out loud in real life. That isn't really the grammatical purpose of a comma though. Now that I think about it, we really should have a specific punctuation mark for that purpose.

by That-Lengthiness-756 1 week ago

Also, it's very obvious to me the reason these women are nervous about him not having social media is because it's not that rare for people his age use fake names on dating apps to hide that they have a wife/gf. It's not that they're actually afraid he doesn't have social media, they're afraid he secretly does.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I get what your saying but it just baffles me so much that I felt I needed to speak about ir

by Candid_Store5742 1 week ago

18F, i don't think no social media is weird with the exception of facebook purely because most people i know use it to keep up with relatives and old friends

by Anonymous 1 week ago

why are you sad that these awful women are rejecting you, instead of being the one rejecting them? why would you want to be with someone like that

by Status_Librarian_344 1 week ago

I think you're thinking of it wrong. The women in my life have explained it that it's not a red flag in a potential partner long term, but rather a safety concern when first meeting up with someone. I know girls who do a full on background check before going on dates alone with a guy, rightfully so in some cases.

by alishaterry 1 week ago

Haha imo this is a good thing This is a quick way for people like us to filter people that aren't worth our time, I wouldn't want to even date people that are so superficial

by ExplanationKey 1 week ago

I have a friend that needs to take pictures of herself doing everything. Meanwhile, I'm pretty blase about the prospect. I don't even take selfies while I'm on vacation. I think there's something bizarre about having to constantly chronicle yourself, but I also don't see much novelty in the things I do, either. I take pictures of things I find interesting, I just don't think a picture of me doing the thing is nearly as interesting. Point being, it's kind of weird that people need to be recorded doing everything.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Adults who prefer using Snapchat to communicate rather than just text or call are really odd to me, and they make you fee like you are the weirdo for not using it 🙄

by PlatformGlum8707 1 week ago

Thinking that it's a red flag for someone to have no social media is a red flag.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

The red flag is people who are obsessed with social media and stalking someone they're going on a date with to get info on them. When someone comes at you like that you say "oh, hey I'm not looking for anything superficial. Let's just cancel the date. Have a good one." Minds will be blown, you'll feel better and you'll drive someone nuts

by gibsongarnett 1 week ago

Not being on social media is a green flag lmao

by vmacejkovic 1 week ago

Should be the biggest green flag on the planet.

by Odd_Cat 1 week ago

this is a great way to filter out anybody who is not worth your time

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I'm suspicious (more unimpressed really) of people who are glued to Instagram or whatever popular social media. IME there are people who find any behavior outside the ‘norm' too much to handle. They just don't get it cause there's no perceived social benefit to not being on social media. These are the type of people who can't read a book. Usually the anxious judgmental bunch. Then there are people who are so consumed by their social media that they can't keep up with people they aren't connected with online. Their friends are mostly the people who stay in their feed. Purely offline people tend to fall off faster. These people tend to strike me as kind of socially benighted seekers. Either way, I don't think you're losing much of worth.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Being of social media (especially instagram) IS a red flag, lol. Or rather, not being on social media is a very very green flag, in this day and age.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I actually considered it a green flag when I was dating. You get to know way more about a person by being around them in varying situations than looking at select snap shots of their life.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

The right person is going to think your hot for that and they probably won't have one either or just one for business or art etc.

by Key-Imagination 1 week ago

Wait not a red flag? I read this backwards, who would argue this?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

A lot of people try to use your social media as a way to understand who you are / cyberstalk you before getting to know you for things like dating etc. If they aren't able to do this, they may feel that they have less understanding of who you are and call it a red flag. It shouldn't be one though.

by joel95 1 week ago

yeah its double crazy when you consider that people on social media are often more unhinged that those who are not, and being ON it is actually the red flag

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Honestly sometimes the answer to this is a private, mostly empty insta profile that you never use or go on.

by mellieschoen 1 week ago

"hate the idea that anyone could search for me at any time" Why?

by No_Beautiful_1536 1 week ago

Because his life is his own business.

by dayanaboyle 1 week ago

because my life my business and I don't want other people knowing it

by Candid_Store5742 1 week ago

Girls like to search all the things about you online. If you don't have social media, they have less information they can dig up. They feel less secure about the date because of it.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I totally agree with you.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

This is weird. I'm a woman, I do have social media, my boyfriend does not. Nothing about that struck me as odd. The only thing I can understand is that it's nice to be able to look into someone a little bit before meeting them off a dating site/app, feels less like they are gonna potentially kill you if you know their background better. But outside of that context it makes no sense to me.

by RemoteTraditional444 1 week ago

i believe people on social media are the red flags, as they consume and care so much about what others are doing and not to work on themselves

by davonschulist 1 week ago

If you are meeting gwomen on dating apps then that is EXACTLY the demographic of people who will want to vet your social media before meeting you because dating apps are just another social media profile. IMO learn day game and approach women at the farmers market or whatever they hang out in public

by Schowalterloyce 1 week ago

If someone tells me they're not on social media that's a massive green flag tbh, too terminally online people whose entire existence is based solely on social media presence, I don't want a date interrupted because someone has to take a photo of whatever we're eating 'for the gram'.

by RelevantOcelot1375 1 week ago

My husband has no social media and has fully acknowledges it would be a red flag if we split up and he suddenly had to date again. It's a red flag. Blame all the cheaters on that.

by Comfortable_Bid_7525 1 week ago

I use social media to keep in contact with people because I have friends that live all over, but I don't have Instagram. Honestly a guy not having Instagram is a big plus in my book, I'd rather not date someone who is looking at other women online all the time.

by Chesley45 1 week ago

I have not much used social media since 2016. Life gets busier as you progress through your career. I also don't think you should take the text from girl too literally. The chances are you had a nice data with her and she wanted to talk to you more. But you should not. You should only use text as a way to set up the next date. Briefly answer her and set up the next date.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Ehhh the only people I know who say they don't have social media were lying to hide the fact they had spouses so I'll keep it as a red flag lol

by schmittjayne 1 week ago

I guess I consider it to be a "red flag". Like It's not a red flag in so far as I automatically assume you're a bad person….but if we're in a dating app setting and I can't find you online AT ALL (like not even a LinkedIn), I'm not willing to take the risk to continue things because in my experiences, the men that I (or my friends) have given chances to who were non existent on social media were lying about something MAJOR, like they were married / had a girlfriend, had a different identity than what they said or were much older. And that's a very heartbreaking and scary situation to be in the first time I experienced that was really soul crushing…… Definitely not all men and there are many perfectly valid reasons to not want to be on social media but ALL the men who lie about major things like that definitely have a strong incentive to not have ANY kind of social media presence and it's just not worth it to me personally…..(in a dating app setting where you don't really know the person. If you know them in a different setting and are more confident about who they are, then that's totally different). It's why I also tell my guy friends who have trouble on dating apps who also don't have social media to atleast have some kind of presence even if minimal. When I see that a guy has a normal social media presence (maybe a LinkedIn or a FB that he made a few years ago with a normal amount of friends even if he doesn't use it much)- I just feel a lot more comfortable in meeting them and potentially pursuing something .

by Abdullah73 1 week ago

Everyone is on social media in some way, shape, or form. those that say they are not are liars. The only people without any social media are either people intentionally hiding or sustanance farmers in a 3rd world country.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Women think I'm lying when I say I don't have IG

by wade18 1 week ago

I'd even go as far as calling it a green flag myself Truthfully, you'd think more women would feel the same with how often they complain about how the internet ruins men and how men only use Instagram to look at other girls lmao

by Anonymous 1 week ago

If they meet you on.person fine. But if your only o line existence is a dating app, giant cheating red flag.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Not being on social media is one of the best remedies for keeping your sanity. It's easier done than taking medications, or undergoing medical treatments of any kind. Social media became the source of unlimited stress and anxiety for thousands of people in the world.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

It is a sign of intelligence.

by Money-Beautiful-5316 1 week ago

I would not go that far, but it's by no means a red flag. I'd personally categorize anyone who feels this is a red flag as a red flag.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

don't be afraid. it's ok

by Anonymous 1 week ago

What app do you use for a group chat with your boys?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

WhatsApp? iMessage?

by dayanaboyle 1 week ago

Regular texting and calling is still a thing...not everyone communicates via socials. There's no real reason to have facebook, instagram, or similar accounts. My bf only has a Facebook because I made one for him when we met. He has yet to use it 4 years later lol

by Anonymous 1 week ago

If i wanna stay in contact with someone ill give them my number

by Status_Pin 1 week ago

I just uses Whattsap for the stuff you said. I am talking about the public forums like facebook and instagram

by Candid_Store5742 1 week ago

I don't have social media and unfortunately it absolutely is a red flag for most people. It shouldn't be, and I don't agree with it, but it is. It's basically a documentation of what you are like, how you interact, who you interact with, etc. Even if you have nothing to hide, people inherently have to take more of a risk because they know nothing about you or if you are even being 'real' with them. Just curious, would you view someone not having a phone as a red flag?

by Natural_Housing3238 1 week ago

A phone in this day and age is almost a necessity…

by dayanaboyle 1 week ago

Not really, you can contact anyone through messaging apps/emails. You can make emergency calls without cell service. The only thing that makes it a necessity is 2 factor authentications now requiring a phone number specifically (they want to sell your information). Its not a necessity, its a norm.

by Natural_Housing3238 1 week ago

See where I said ‘almost' a necessity…

by dayanaboyle 1 week ago

Saying "X is not a red flag" is like saying "Pizza is a not a favorite food". For you, maybe. For some others, sure. But people get to decide what's a red flag for them. They're not objective truths, they're personal preferences. It sucks that people are letting that supersede other things, but that's life

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Two totally different comparisons…

by dayanaboyle 1 week ago

Lol that's not the reasoning.

by Key-Imagination 1 week ago

To my mind, there's 5 reasons why a person looking to date wouldn't be on social media: They believe they're unattractive. Majority of cases imo They're impersonating someone (on dating apps) They're a bit too privacy minded Rare cases, they don't want anyone googling their full name for whatever reason They simply don't like social media 3/5 is a red flag for me. So, I'd say it isn't a great sign.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Why is not liking social media a red flag?

by dayanaboyle 1 week ago

Not that you identified which 3 you had the issue with…

by dayanaboyle 1 week ago

Chat with friends or catch up with grandma - phone, text, see in person. Network/contacts see above.

by dayanaboyle 1 week ago

Being on social media is definitely a green flag. If you don't use social media ur weird

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I disagree and actually do think it's going to bed a red flag to most girls if you don't have social media. Let's be realistic like 95% of people between the ages of like 15 and 50 at least have instagram. If someone doesn't know your values and how you feel about social media, they might just assume you're lying and trying to hide your real identity. A few of my friends have dealt with this, they meet a guy who claims not to have social media, turns out he's got a girlfriend and actually does have social media but is trying to hide that part of his life to avoid being found out as a cheater However you're well within your rights and most likely will eventually find someone who shares those values if you keep at it

by Anonymous 1 week ago

The percentage of people that have access to internet isn't even 95%.

by Anonymous 1 week ago